Dear Hallmark

Allyson Joy1429 views

Dear Hallmark,

I love you. Truly I do, especially your holiday movies. However, there are a few improvements that I feel confident would increase the quality of your movies.

Number one. The actors on the cover of the DVD should be the same actors that are actually in the movie. Example number one: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. This is one of my favorites but I just about come unglued when I pick up the DVD only to see different people on the cover than the ones featured in the movie.

While we are talking about The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, let’s discuss point number two. Scripts should always be in chronological order. Jennifer’s boyfriend Richard is a jeweler. He made a commercial that was scheduled to run the following day. Jennifer politely told him that he should not be doing his own commercials. His response, “I know I’m awful but sales are up thirty-two percent. Everyone wants to see the terrible guy in the ad.” Umm, didn’t we just establish that said commercial was scheduled to begin running the following day? How can sales be up if the commercial hasn’t even aired?


Point number three. Let’s work on having accurate movie titles. People may not actually catch this at first glance. It was quite the letdown when the light bulb came on and I realized that The Christmas Card is actually about The Thanksgiving Card. Faith sent the card to the soldier at Thanksgiving, not Christmas. False advertisements. False expectations.

My next issue has to do with filming at incorrect times of the year. A Boyfriend for Christmas, for example, is set in Denver in December. But the nature scenes are filled with green trees. Not green trees like Christmas trees but trees that would actually be naked in Denver in December. In the future, let’s work on this.

For the sake of time, I will leave my complaints with point number five: men do not love sleigh rides. A Christmas Kiss and practically every other holiday movie portrays men as loving baking cookies and reading A Christmas Carol over watching football. I mean, some men are romantics but as a whole they do not thrive on sleigh rides. Clearly, women are the target audience here.

Oh, I have to add one more suggestion. There are just so many good things to choose from. Teaching people to “follow your heart” is setting us up for disaster. There are times that if I followed my heart, I would have followed it right off a cliff. Sometimes you can’t listen to your heart or your emotions and you have to make a grown up decision. Please stop telling us to follow our hearts. You are setting us up for failure.

While I do have some complaints, I must finish with letting know how much I appreciate you. Thank you for giving us a picture-perfect ending in precisely one hour and thirty minutes (plus thirty minutes of commercials when airing on television). Thank you for climactic scenes like a one second kiss or for a really dramatic effect, a statement like, “You’re doing Christmas all wrong.” Ooooh. That cuts deep.

Thank you for making me believe that good things always happen around the holidays. Thank you for giving me movies to watch year round so I can pretend that every day is Christmas. Thank you for keeping it clean. I’m over the romanticized affairs and everyone sleeping around. At least I know that junk won’t be in your movies.

Thank you also for airing new movies every holiday season-slightly different script. Same actors. Exact same plot. Truly, I appreciate all your hard work to make the holidays a magical time of the year-starting in September.



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